Ever been curious that your boyfriend may not be who he seems? Page through How to Tell if Your Boyfriend is the Antichrist, and you might find out he’s something worse than just your garden-variety jerk. From the clever folks at Quirk Books, who made Elizabeth Bennett even more kick ass in Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, this reference guide by Patricia Carlin offers early warning signs on 73 different conditions. Don’t be alarmed if by reading this book, you uncover that your super nice boyfriend is actually agoraphobic, on steroids, a renegade cop, a country bumpkin or, the worst of all, an insufferable bore. (Now I’m pretty sure that my husband is a government-trained assassin [p. 86], but that is kind of hot, right?) After you’ve made the startling realization of your boyfriend’s true nature, this cheeky book will guide you through the decision on whether or not you should break up with him based on this new information.
For a few of these diagnosed personality types, Chickster decided to offer you some advice of our own should you ever find yourself dating one of these questionable men.
If your boyfriend turns out to be a vampire (see p. 102), and he looks like this:
We won’t blame you if you don’t break up with him. Just please try to refrain yourself from having creepy hybrid babies with him, and if you can’t manage that, at least don’t give the poor kid a name so painful it borders on child abuse.
On the other hand, if your boyfriend turns out to be a vampire, and his sworn nemesis (who is also a vampire) looks like this:
Dump your boyfriend and go for the bad boy.
If your boyfriend turns out to be an extraterrestrial (p. 20) or a time traveler from the past (p. 36), and he looks like this:
By all means, grab his hand tightly and step inside his mysterious blue box. Don’t worry—it’s bigger on the inside.
If your boyfriend turns out to be a robot (p. 30), and he looks like this:
You must be EVE! We love you guys!
This book earns four stars, as a true guilty pleasure, and if you’d like to win a copy, send an email to chickstermag(at)gmail(dot)com summarizing a (past or present) boyfriend’s worst behavior in 140 characters or less.
Chickster Rating System
Five stars: Stellar all the way around.
Four stars: A guilty pleasure.
Three stars: Some great moments but leaves something to be desired.
Two stars: A bit dull.
One star: Rubbish. Don’t bother.